Autumn

Fall always brings mixed feelings to me.

I love the crisp air and the smell of the air.
I love the warm clothing and getting away with wearing ten layers.

I love the changing leaves and boots.

There's things that I also don't love about fall.

Remember this beautiful couple?

This is my mom and dad.

I love them so much. 

But fall always makes me remember when they weren't so happy in their marriage. 

I moved to Idaho in October 2004 and became a part of this family.

(I'm Facebook stealing pictures)

This is just part of the Montgomery family.

We're been through ups and downs and certainly a lot of great times.

So this is where falls comes in. It always reminds me of feeling torn.

Torn on whose side I should be on, and who I should be happy for.
I'm happy for my parents, but on the other hand, it's so hard leaving behind my adopted family.

It feels so good not to have a broken family, but to be truthful. It's still mending.

Fall brings back all those memories that I hold close to my heart that I try not to let out. I don't want people rationalizing how I feel or how I should be feeling. What I really want is to remember the good times while also moving forward in the best way possible. 

I still get to see and talk to these incredible people, but we no longer get the close relationship that I loved. I no longer get to help feed cows or go on a double date "bunny bashing" with your sister.

The hardest part about divorce and second marriages is your heart grows and is opened up to new family. You embrace your new life with enthusiasm and happiness, but when things don't work out, you have to pretend that those pieces of your heart aren't missing. You have to go on with this patchwork quilt of a heart, with so many little pieces taken out of it.

I love this version of my family so much and they mean more to me than life itself,

but that's just it. Because life isn't always perfect and it's always everchanging, I will always have another version of my family close to my heart.

I am so happy and content in life right now.

It's hard to have any hard feelings about my past because I really do believe that it has made me who I am.

I think the tugging at my heart is supposed to be there. It is telling me that it's okay to hold those memories close to me while also being happy for how life has worked out.

                           Because maybe without going through those experiences, I wouldn't have him.

So maybe I should enjoy fall. It makes me look back and smile and think of all the people that are part of my life for whatever reason they were put there.



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Thanks P-Dub, Now I Need a Farm

So.. I frequently creep http://www.thepioneerwoman.com/ 's blog. I love her attitude about life and how she is so open and friendly on a blog. It's amazing to me that she can seem like you're best friend and you've never even met her. I was reading today about her day to day life and living on a farm. I realize her life can't be great every minute of the day, but she doesn't exude that. She has the best attitude and take on life. I love it. It makes me want to be a better, happier person; along with following my dreams.

I have had to make a lot of decision lately and I want to make the choices now so that I can be an "elect" lady someday.

My dad always wanted us to be "elect women" someday. He also told us we should always have a little sassy-ness like my mom.

Take that as you will.

I love my family and fall and the crisp air. Fall is going to be a good season.

I can feel it :)

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Labor Day Weekend

This weekend was my second oldest sister Kacee's birthday so the family decided to get together at her house in Inkom, Idaho and while we were at it take family pictures. It was a little bit difficult to take the pictures and also be in them but it worked out great and we had a fun time doing it. I will post pictures later, but here is one of my parents. I love it. My grandparents also came up and it was fun to spend time with them and just have a relaxing and fun time. I love going up to Idaho. I love how slow life is and that you can look at all the fields and the farmers working so hard to make a living and to provide for their families and more. My favorite is the smell of them cutting the alphalfa fields. It makes me want to move up there every time. :)

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Never Thought I Was Much of a Stress Eater.... Until Now

I made it through my first week of school and no one was even mean to me!

I was nervous for nothing and I already am loving this semester and my classes. I am happy to be there and I am glad that I did it. It's not nearly as bad as my mind thought it would be.

But,

I think I was mentally struggling with the fact that I was going to get a lot more busy and actually have to make an effort to get good grades and stay on top of things at home, while also quenching RJ's thirst for mountain biking at least a couple of times a week, so last weekend hit and my body decided to EAT and EAT and EAT. Luckily, I caught onto my body's little act of rebellion early on and told myself no,

but seriously... it's so hard wanting to pig out all the time and say no to yummy things that I know if I eat I will be dissapointed later when my jeans no longer fit.

Inside there was a 12 year old boy screaming  for Cheetos and Cheesecake!

I have tried this week to tell him no, but he got the better of me yesterday and I did eat a Mocha Shake from McDonalds... (hanging my head in shame).

So sad.

I thought that school would just be a crimp in my afternoon internet browsing but if I don't start feeling confident in going I'm going to be online shopping  for fat pants!

NOT GOOD AT ALL.

If I start getting enormously big, please tell me to put down the cheeseburger and run a few miles. I might be snippy at first, but I will thank you later. :)

Lots of Love!

-Charise



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Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool.

Wow, it's been a while. I know I say that at the beginning of every post but if I get out of the habit then it's hard to start going again. But I like to think this is a journal of sorts so here I am.

This week has been really good. I feel like I have accomplished something that I have wanted to do for such a long time. I finally got up the courage to enroll back into college and go. I had my first class last night and I loved every minute of it.

I'm not even going to tell you how terrified I was to go. I'm not sure why I was so nervous but I was walking to class and my palms were sweaty and my heart was racing so when I finally got there and sat down I felt like I'd run a marathon. But after I got settled in I felt fine and I was really happy that I'd taken this step and actually done it.

In the past you could say I was a little bit of a flake. I didn't usually follow through with things and I was always too scared to put myself out there. I feel better now that I've took the initiative to do something that I have wanted to. I know that it's not going to be an easy thing, college for the next 4 years or so, but I know that it's the right thing to do and that I want to do it. I am happy with my decision.

And yes, I did watch Billy Madison in honor of school starting. :)

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