Random Observations

The last month or so has been a crazy whirlwind and in the beautiful mess I've made a few observations....

[1] I cannot handle multiple emotions at one time.... Who knew that I'd burst into a mental breakdown at the thought of RJ actually getting a job. I held it together while he didn't have a job, then I turned into a hot mess when he got one. Riddle me that one.

[2] Your abs are toast after you have a baby. What you once had is no longer... That goes for any muscle in your body. I feel like Gumby.

[3] It must be another Murphy's law, when you and your husband kiss, the baby will start screaming...

[4] Speaking of babies, mine is adorable. And I never want to be away from her again. I'll totally be the mom that goes to the mall with her kid not because it's safe but because I can't stand going ten minutes without her. I may change my mind when she's a sassy teenager though...

[5] Coffee is my right hand man... I would probably be face down in a snow pile about now without it. 

[6] Baby smiles and giggles are the best remedy for a bad day.

[7] Work isn't as rewarding after you have a baby... You go to work to pay the bills, but you'd rather be at home getting drooled or peed on and do absolutely nothing but hold her.

[8] Babies are not as fun as everyone says they are. They wake up in the middle of the night, A LOT!

[9] Fun Bugs Gummies should come in gallon sized baggies.

[10] The expression "It takes a village to raise a family" has never made more sense to me. I am astounded by how loving and amazing my family has been with offering to babysit without a second thought. I know my kid screams and poops a lot and I cannot thank my family enough for being there for RJ and I this year.

All in all I've learned a lot about myself since the beginning of this year. I've learned I'm emotionally weaker than I thought, but I'm also stronger than I thought. I've learned that when your husband loses his job both of you will try to be strong for the other. But in turn... that only makes you stop talking completely. I've learned a lot of mind over matter. Your baby is hungry no matter how tired you are and you have to get up. I've become stronger in that sense. Putting my own needs aside for someone I love. I've learned that you can love someone at first sight and it's an amazing feeling. I love everything about J. And I can't wait to grow up with her.

Honestly, I am excited for this next chapter in my life. It seems really challenging. I've got a lot on my plate and although I love being busy, it has been a struggle.

But I think I'll gain the most from this phase of my life. I think I'll learn the most therefore causing me to grow and become the sweetest memories.

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The Many Faces of J

I have become that person that only takes pictures of her baby... All day looooong. Mostly because I think she's adorable and hilarious. So here goes... the many faces of my spawn.

 

 

The "Why am I strapped into this carseat thingy?"

J is sleeping.... This is the face of her mother after getting two hours of sleep that night...

 





 

Giving her smirky smirk because she has pulled a fast one on us. She stayed up all night and still managed to get loves from dad.

 

Ready to crash a funeral.. slept through the entire thing by the way.

 

Went home on lunch and she was happy as a clam and smiling. I loved it! RJ is still mad that I managed to get this picture when he stays home with her all day and can never capture her smiling.

 

The little darling... I can't get enough of her cuddles.

 

Just chillin

 

The carseat does wonders to zonk her out for hours.

 

She takes after me... hates waking up.

 

Ahhh... I love holding her while she sleeps.

And last but not least... Tummy Time!

 

As you can tell... I may or may not love her to death.

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A Whole Lot of Moosh

In honor of Valentine's Day...

 

Even though he told me that he doesn't need cards or me to tell him I love him...

 

I am going to anyway.

 

 

Dear Mr. Nestman,

I'm not sure why I love you... what with you always saying all the wrong things and not letting me hog the bed at night.

I happen to love that you have taken the role of father like a duck to water. You are such a great dad to little J and coming home to the both of you everyday absolutely melts my heart. I know that the late nights suck and sometimes you wish you could tell her to calm the freak down... but I can see how much you already love her and you tell me frequently how much she means to you.

 

I love that.

 

I love that you haven't forgotten me through this whole having a baby thing. You are constantly giving me love and support and I really don't know what I would do without you. Even though the last month has probably been the best month and worst month of my entire life, you're always there to make me feel better and lift my spirits. Even when I know you would rather not be in the best of moods.

 

I am thankful I married such a wonderful guy. You're a wonderful friend and husband with so many great qualities. I love that you cook and clean like a housewife and you will almost always go running with me if I guilt you into it.

 

Happy Valentine's Day... I hope to spend the next 50 of them with you.

 

Love,

Charise 

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Remember that one time... That I had a Baby- Part 1

The last month has been a whirlwind and it has been crazy but I have loved every second of finally meeting Jocelyn. 

It feels so good to finally say her name and have a tiny face that looks up at me. My whole pregnancy I wondered what tiny person RJ and I had created. I wondered what she looked like, if she was actually a she, would she be healthy, would I be good at taking care of her..... 

The list went on and on, but nothing prepared me for the tiny thing that I finally met on January 12th at 3:45pm. But I really didn't get to meet her until 8pm that night... so I'll tell you the story. 

The last few weeks of being pregnant were really stressful. I was feeling like a Beluga Whale and quite grouchy. The company I work for was bought out by another company and I was in the midst of training a new person at my job and RJ had a big home show that he was working and his boss didn't particularly want him to leave to have a baby... so I kept telling myself I wouldn't have a baby just yet. 

Then RJ called me at work on the 8th and had me come out to meet him. I thought he sounded odd so I was a little nervous to meet him and for good reason I suppose. He told me that he had gotten laid off from his job. I knew his voice didn't sound right and I figured something was up, but I would have never imagined that in a million years. We talked for a few minutes and then when I got back into work I realized later on that day... I was even more ready to have a baby. Although the timing was terrible, at least I knew that we could have a baby and we could be home together. 

I went through the rest of that week eating my way through anything that came across my path and loafing around on the couch. I didn't have one ounce of nesting instinct... I think I was just too exhausted. 

Friday finally rolled around and RJ took me out to lunch. After I got back to work I started to feel a little weird. I had told RJ at lunch that I had been feeling a little off that day but I figured since my due date was the following Sunday that I was probably just pregnant and feeling blah. The time from lunch until I left dragged by and I started feeling really nauseous. I went home and RJ and I took it easy and by about 6pm I was having cramps and really light contractions. But the contractions hurt! They were about 15 minutes apart and RJ and I Googled false labor and labor and everything in between for a couple of hours trying to determine if it was the real thing. I didn't want to go to the hospital if nothing was actually going on. For the next couple hours I barfed up everything I tried to eat or drink. I'm pretty sure I took about 8 million baths and showers.

We finally went to bed around 12:30 and I slept for about half an hour. It was too painful to just lay in bed so I tossed and turned and tried watching a movie. Finally at 2am I got up and decided to go downstairs and time my contractions since they were getting closer together and bounce on my exercise ball in front of the fireplace. I did that for an hour and at 2 my contractions were about 8 minutes apart and by 3am they were down to 4 minutes apart and getting closer. They weren't as painful as the previous evening so I was nervous that I would go to the hospital for nothing, but since they were so close together I was nervous that I would have a baby in my bathtub... not my idea of an ideal birthing situation. 

I woke RJ up around 3:15 and pretty much bawled my eyes out. I told him my contractions were close together but not unbearably painful so I wasn't sure what to do. I think he knew that I'd never decide to go by myself so he said, well... let's just go. There's nothing to lose. We packed up a few things since I actually never really packed a hospital bag for myself and we headed out...

Into snow packed freezing roads. It was cold and we had to follow snowplows the entire drive that were going 45 mph which made the pregnant lady extremely happy... 

I was so nervous the entire drive that we would get to the hospital and they'd tell us that we had to go home. It was a long drive out the LDS hospital. 

Once we got there they got us all situated in a room and plugged me into the monitors. I was definitely in labor but when they checked to see how dilated I was... I was at a 1. 1!!!! I was so frustrated that I had been in labor all night and I was only dilated to a 1. The sweet nurse told me that she would come and check on me in an hour and see if I had progressed at all. And then we waited....

And when she came back an hour later... 

Still at a 1. 

But I had effaced a little bit so she called that progress and said I could stay one more hour. 

I could have kissed her. 

When she came back again I had only progressed slightly more but my contractions were now closer together and very consistent. With the weather and my contractions the nurse wasn't sure if she should send me home with some pain medication or let me stay and they could start me on Pitocin to help me dilate.

I think she saw a look in my eyes that said... PLEASE LADY!!! Don't make me go home!
So she called my doctor and told him what was going on and when she came back she said...
"Well it looks like your doctor would like you to stay, so you're having a baby today!"

I think this is when the whole pregnancy hit me. I finally realized that I was pregnant and that I was going to be a mom and that there was a baby inside my belly. I got scared!
All of these emotions came flooding in and I started to tear up a little bit.
In my mind I was ripping off the contraction monitor and running through the door with just my hospital gown, but really I smiled at the nurse and said, "Ok".

Then things started happening!
First things first.. I wanted an epideral.

My contractions hadn't been bad when I was rocking on my ball and pacing the floor, but once the nurse made me lie still in bed, they were painful and not so much fun. I was ready for the pain to be bearable.

The anesthesiologist wheeled in his cart and got to work. They made me sit sideways on the bed while he put it in. I was nervous that it would hurt so when he poked me with the tiniest needle to numb my back I jumped about 5 feet in the air so he had to poke me again. After that, it was painless and everything went smoothly.

My epideral was the weirdest feeling. I always felt like I could move my legs but then if I tried, no go. I think it was timed perfectly though because by the time I was ready to push I had no pain, but could move and feel my legs. It was perfect.

Once they got me situated they put in an IV and started the Pitocin.
They came in and broke my water.
And then we waited....

My parents got there and we chatted and waited and ate ice chips. I was so thirsty the entire time!
By this time I got pretty tired from being up all night and once the pain was gone I was able to get a few little naps in that helped a lot!

At around 1 pm I noticed a lot more pressure and called the nurse to have her check me.
I was finally dilated to an 8!

So we waited a little bit longer.
On one of the routine checks the nurse came in and checked my temperature and noticed that I had spiked a fever. They thought that it was odd since I hadn't had a fever any of the other times they checked during the day so they decided to run two antibotics through my IV before they delivered the baby since she it was likely that she would also be running a fever.

They came and hoooked me up to the antibiotics and then left us there to wait until I was fully dilated which took about an hour. We all made bets on when the baby would arrive and I told them the baby was coming at 3:30pm.

I was fully dilated but had to wait an hour or so to let the antibiotics run their course so I took a little power nap knowing that I would have to push soon.

And then the doctor showed up and said it was time to push!....

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